January 23

What is parental alienation – and how we can help you deal with it

Parental alienation, or ‘alienating behaviours’ as it is now known, can have harmful consequences for a child, and it is not uncommon.

A 2023 debate in the UK Parliament heard that some 70% of Family Court cases involving children in England and Wales involve allegations of alienating behaviours against mums and dads.

So, what is parental alienation, or alienating behaviours?

In a nutshell, parental alienation/alienating behaviours are when one parent deliberately turns the child or children against the other parent.

In family law, there isn’t actually a single definition but here is a more detailed breakdown of what we mean, with thanks to Cafcass, the organisation that advises family courts about the welfare of children:

  • The term ‘alienating behaviours’ describes behaviours where one parent or carer expresses an ongoing pattern of negative attitudes and communication to a child about the other parent or carer. This has the potential or intention to undermine or even destroy the child’s relationship with their other parent or carer.
  • These behaviours can result from a parent’s feelings of unresolved anger and a desire, conscious or not, to punish the other parent or carer.
  • Alienating behaviours range in intensity and their impact on children.

Cafcass goes on to quote a study, which says:

“Alienating behaviours can include negative attitudes, communications and beliefs that denigrate, demean, vilify, malign, ridicule or dismiss the child’s other parent. It includes conveying false beliefs or stories to, and withholding positive information from, the child about the other parent, together with the relative absence of observable positive attitudes and behaviours.”

This kind of behaviour is, of course, negative and divisive and can have serious consequences for the child and their chances of healthy, happy relationships with both parents. Because of the potential harm and the fact that it is so common, the Family Justice Council has issued new guidance to help solicitors and the family law courts address the issue.

Alienating behaviours: what the courts must look out for

The Family Justice Council advises courts to look out for ‘the three Rs’. These are:

  1. Reluctance
  2. Resistance
  3. Refusal

These are the key behaviours by a child that the Family Justice Council say the courts need to look at because they may indicate alienation is taking place.

A court would need to be satisfied that three elements are established before it could conclude that alienating behaviours had occurred:

  1. the child is reluctant, resisting or refusing to engage in, a relationship with a parent or carer
  2. the reluctance, resistance or refusal is not because of the actions of that parent towards the child or the other parent – in this case, there may be justification behind the child’s rejection of the parent
  3. the other parent has engaged in behaviours that have directly or indirectly impacted on the child, leading to the child’s reluctance, resistance or refusal to engage in a relationship with that parent

This is all more technical, but it is the legal perspective and what the courts will be specifically looking out for. A good family law solicitor will be able to talk you through the three Rs in non-legal terms.

What isn’t parental alienation

Let’s delve a little more into what can be construed as alienating behaviours but isn’t.

The guidance from the Family Justice Council makes it clear that just because a child is reluctant, resisting or refusing to engage in a relationship with a parent, this doesn’t mean that the child is being alienated.

Sometimes, the three Rs are present, but alienation is not happening. These situations include:

  • Children can and do come to their own conclusions about what has happened in their family, and they may wish to make choices or have a say in how they live their lives.
  • A child’s refusal to see one parent may be justified because of harmful parenting, including neglect or exposure to abuse.
  • A child exhibiting the three Rs may simply be because they prefer spending more time with one parent than the other. They may not have strong negative feelings for the other parent but prefer spending time with one parent.
  • A child’s behaviour and feelings may be ‘an attachment strategy’. This is their way of eliciting care from the parent they live with or protecting that relationship.

As you can see, however hurtful it may be for a mum or dad, their child may simply want to spend more time with the other parent. And the courts will always put the best interests of the child first.

How Belderbos Solicitors can help

Let’s be clear, it is not always necessary to go to court when parental alienation is suspected. Indeed, we recommend that you always try the out-of-court approaches first, such as mediation.

Either way, given the complexities of alienation, it’s important to get advice from a solicitor at an early stage before any alienation has progressed too far. We can do the following:

  1. Provide you with expert tailored advice about your specific situation.
  2. Consider whether there are alternative ways to resolve your case without the stress and cost of court proceedings. We have excellent links with other professionals who can assist by taking a holistic approach.
  3. Apply to Court if this is the right option. We have significant experience in cases involving allegations of alienation and therefore can guide you through the process and represent you.
  4. Support you throughout. Cases involving allegations of alienation are some of the most complex and emotionally charged cases that the courts deal with. Having assisted parents through these cases in the past, Belderbos Solicitors can use that experience to support you through this difficult time.

If you’re concerned that alienation is happening to your child or children, please contact Belderbos Solicitors.

Nick

About the author

Nick, a Family Law Solicitor since 2008, specialises in divorce, custody, and financial disputes. He prefers negotiation but is experienced in court. Clients appreciate his practical, straightforward advice.


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