How to minimise the impact of divorce on your mental health

If you need the services of a family law solicitor, it’s very likely that you’re going through tough times.

It is common for a relationship breakdown to cause mental ill health, such as stress and depression. Indeed, more than two in five (41%) of those divorced have suffered multiple episodes of poor mental health, according to this poll by Resolution.

There are many possible reasons for this, of course, such as the heartbreak of a split from someone you loved. Or you’re probably anxious about your financial situation or how much time you will now spend with your kids, for example.

At the same time, it is not rare for mental illness to be the cause of relationship difficulties. Whether it’s the cause of your split or caused by it, you would not be alone in seeking family law advice at a time of great mental strain or anguish.

This week is Mental Health Awareness Week in the UK, and it’s a timely reminder for all of us to be kind, to ourselves and to others, wherever possible. In my field, family law, this means finding a kinder way to manage a divorce or separation. Out-of-court options, such as mediation and collaborative law, help reduce the pressure and keep things more respectful and balanced, and this can make a huge difference to your wellbeing in the long run.

So, through the lens of our long-term mental health and wellbeing, let’s look at choosing a non-court resolution to divorce or separation:

1. The emotional weight of divorce

There’s no easy way to separate from someone you once shared your life with. Divorce can throw up a huge mix of emotions. When the process is drawn out or handled through the courts, the stress can very quickly escalate.

The good news is, how you choose to divorce can make a big difference. Out-of-court approaches are often calmer, quicker and much less stressful – helping you to move forward with clarity and care.

And clear minds invariably make better decisions. Divorce is a stressful experience, but maintaining a clear mindset can help ensure you make decisions that are best for you and your family in the long run. When emotions are running high, it’s easy to make rash decisions that you might regret later. A calm and focused approach allows you to make thoughtful choices that are aligned with your goals.

If you are going through a break-up currently, here are a few strategies for staying calm and focused:

• Set clear priorities - establish what matters most to you, whether it’s financial stability or co-parenting arrangements, and keep those goals in mind throughout the process

• Take breaks - when things get too overwhelming, step away for a moment to reset and regain perspective

• Communicate clearly - stay calm and direct in conversations, focusing on the facts and avoiding unnecessary conflict

2. What are out-of-court options – and how do they work?

There are several out-of-court approaches that can help you reach a fair outcome while reducing stress and conflict along the way.

Here’s a quick overview of the main ones:

• Mediation - a trained mediator helps you and your ex-partner talk things through and find common ground. They won't take sides or make decisions for you – their role is to guide the conversation and help you agree on solutions, whether it’s about finances, property or parenting.

• Collaborative law - each person has their own solicitor, and you all meet to work things out face-to-face. Everyone agrees upfront not to go to court, which encourages a more open and respectful process.

• Arbitration - a bit like a private judge, an arbitrator listens to both sides and makes a decision you both agree to follow. It’s faster and more flexible than court and usually held in a private setting.

3. Why out-of-court means less stress

Choosing to resolve things out of court can make a real difference to how you feel during and after a divorce or separation. Here’s why:

• You stay in control – in out-of-court approaches like mediation and collaborative law, you’re not handing over your future to a judge. Instead, you and your ex-partner are involved in every decision. That sense of control can be empowering, helping to reduce feelings of helplessness or frustration.

• It’s more flexible (and often quicker) - court dates can take months to arrange, and delays are common. Out-of-court options work around your schedule, meaning you can move at a pace that suits your family – and avoid the long wait times that often come with legal proceedings.

• Privacy and dignity – going to court can feel intimidating and very public. Out-of-court options are private by design. Conversations happen in calmer, more neutral environments, and the focus is on constructive dialogue, not conflict.

• Family focused - when children are involved, their mental wellbeing matters most. These approaches support cooperative decision-making that’s less likely to damage relationships – making future co-parenting easier and less stressful for everyone.

4. The long-term mental health benefits

The way a separation is handled can have lasting effects – not just in the moment, but for years to come. Choosing a less combative path can make all the difference to your emotional wellbeing in the long run. Court battles can be draining and when things turn hostile, the damage can run deep, especially if the process drags on. Out-of-court routes are usually more cooperative, helping to reduce the risk of long-term emotional harm.

When children are involved, keeping the atmosphere calm is crucial. Out-of-court approaches support respectful communication, making it easier to move on and co-parent with less stress all round. That sense of peace benefits the whole family – not just in the moment, but in the years after the split.

Previously published by Cross Productions for Real Entrepreneurs Club